Marriage Study: Wives Clutch in Extinguishing Blaze of Divorce

According to a UC Berkeley study, it is not so much the husbands - rather it is wives who are clutch in determining if a marriage endures or not. How so? The study found that marriages where wives were able to "calm" marital conflicts had better chances of surviving till the end.

The study began back in 1989 when the divorce rate had reached close to 50%. UC Berkeley psychology professor Bob Levenson was curious to find out why some marriages persisted on even after the honeymoon phase and baby blues. In particular, what got them through the 15-year hump after which the divorce rate went down drastically?

Essentially he found that, over time, couples found a way to value each other. They stopped trying to change each other and, instead, became proud of their significant others' achievements.

"These weren't couples that were always blissfully happy," he said of the couples that found a way to stay together. 

After hiring a research company, he identified the demographic of married couples most likely to stick it out. That is, couples in their forties staying wed for 15 years or more and couples in their sixties wed for three decades plus. After recruiting 78 married pairs in each category, he followed them for 25 years. Every five years, the couples would come in to fill questionnaires about how the marriage was going.

They would also be hooked up to machines during a 90-minute conversation. As they would be asked to resolve conflicts, their physiological responses like pulse, heart rate and even sweat were being monitored.

The study revealed that if the wife could calm down quickly after the argument, the marriage consequently had a better chance to survive. The husband's emotional control in an argument had little or no bearing on overall marriage satisfaction.

So basically, the results suggest that a woman's ability to cool down after a heated exchange is what determines marital bliss.

I have to digress at this point and mention a super clutch detail from another story in the news about depression. Apparently, boys' saliva can now be tested to determine whether they have high cortisol levels. High cortisol level indicates a potential to get major depression in the future. However, girls cannot be tested the same way because their cortisol levels are already so high. Cannot help but remember  - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Getting back to Levenson's study, another striking find of his research was the DNA findings. Researchers found that people inherit genes that can make them more sensitive to the general ups and downs of life and, in this case, marriage. How the body regulates seratonin or the hormone responsible for happy feelings can depend on genetics.

While the most common cause given for failed marriage is "irreconcilable differences," this study offers some additional insight into what makes or breaks a marriage. After examining the notably clutch details, the answer appears to be - the woman.

Sources

SF Gate
CBS News